[aj.lec]

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?


For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?


We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt'!

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an

intellectual way.


Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the

fertilizer magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N.

Schitt, Inc.They had one son, Jack.



In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious

couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla

Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.



Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were

living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.



Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the ne wspaper announced

the *Schitt-Happens* nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were

Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.



Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.



Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can correct them.



Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt