My kids dad sent this to me today. We aren't on speaking terms

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS

INFORMATION SYSTEM MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: WO
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: 50kg - 250 kg (100 to 550 lbs)
OCCURENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:
***Extremely dangerous to possess more than one specimen at a time.***