Bob; thanks for the suggestions, I'll try to address the merits of each.
1/ I am helping to preserve the cultural heritage of our country,
This might work, she is very patriotic.
2/ I need it to move my "stuff" around.
Unfortunately, most of my 'stuff' is antique farm equipment, including 7 Farmall tractors, which are quite capable of moving the 'stuff'.
3/ It would be useful for crushing some of my old "stuff" prior to its disposal (HOWEVER THIS IS ONLY A SUGGESTION AND NOT AN OPTION).
She'd probably want a written 'crushing schedule'
4/ I can relive my youth and through that become a re-generated person. This re-generation would be of great benefit to your wife on Saturday night social occasions in the boudoir.
Chemistry (Viagra) has rendered this a non-argument
5/ We've got one, the Jones haven't. I don't know if you are familiar with the term "keeping up with the Jones." If not, tell me and I'll explain it to you.
I already am known as the guy with the most 'stuff'; complete strangers stop in to consult wit me.......
6/ Finally - I"M THE BOSS AND I WANT ONE. (treat this one with great caution)
I'm totally un-familiar with this concept; would you please try it and report back on the results.
