[aj.lec]

AT LEAST THE AIRLINES HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR
WESTJET

You gotta love the Canadian sense of humour.

West Jet is an Airline with head office situated in Calgary , Alberta . West

Jet airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight 'safety lecture'

and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that

have been heard or reported:

On a West Jet flight (There is no assigned seating, you just sit where you

want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight

attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here,

find a seat and get in it!'

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On another West Jet Flight with a very 'senior' flight attendant crew, the

pilot said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will

be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance

the appearance of your flight attendants.'

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On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your

belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's

something we'd like to have.'

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'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of

this airplane.'
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'Thank you for flying West Jet Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the

business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.'

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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at the Vancouver Airport , a

lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella. WHOA!'

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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Ontario, a flight

attendant on a West Jet flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the

overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell

everything has shifted.'

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From a West Jet Airlines employee: 'Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245 to

Calgary . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle,

and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't

know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public

unsupervised.'

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'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from

the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If

you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting

with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your

favourite.'

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'Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll

try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody

loves you, or your money, more than West Jet Airlines.'

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'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an

emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our

compliments.'

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'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything

left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please

do not leave children or spouses.'

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And from the pilot during his welcome message: 'West Jet Airlines is pleased

to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.

Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!'

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Heard on West Jet Airlines just after a very hard landing in Edmonton : The

flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and

I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's

fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault,

it was the asphalt.'

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Overheard on a West Jet Airlines flight into Regina , on a particularly

windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really

having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant

said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina . Please remain in your seats

with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our

airplane to the gate!'

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Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask

you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'

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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his

ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required

the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile,

and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of

his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,

thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had

gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sir,

do you mind if I ask you a question?'

'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'

The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'

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After a real crusher of a landing in Halifax , the attendant came on with,

Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and

the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.

And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we

will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the

terminal.'

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Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you

folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge

to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll

think of West Jet Airways.'

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Heard on a West Jet Airline flight. 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to

smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light

'em, you can smoke 'em.'

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A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg Airport . After it reached a

comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the

intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to

Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg toMontreal . The weather ahead is

good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit

back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' 0Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally

spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!

A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of

mine!