[Geoff Winnington-Ball (RIP)]

Henry Crun: Ooh oh, Minnie?
Minnie Bannister: What, what, what, what, what, what?
Henry Crun: Did you hear a gas oven door slam just then?
Minnie Bannister: Don't be silly, Henry, who'd be walking around these cliffs with a gas oven?
Henry Crun: Lady Docker?
Minnie Bannister: Yes, but apart from the obvious ones, who'd want to...
Fx: Whoosh...Splat!
Minnie Bannister: Oooooooooooohohohohohohohohohohoh... Yeuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Henry Crun: No, I've never heard of him.
Minnie Bannister: Help Henry - I've been struck down from behind. Help.
Henry Crun: Mnk - oh dear dear. Poor Minnie. Police, English Police, Law Guardians...
Minnie Bannister: Not too loud, Henry, they'll hear you.
Henry Crun: Police of the law.
Fx: Police whistle
Fx: Whoosh!
Seagoon: Can I help you, sir?
Henry Crun: Are you a policeman?
Seagoon: No, I'm a constable.
Henry Crun: Oh, what is the difference?
Seagoon: They're spelt differently
Minnie Bannister: Ohhhhhh, help me differently spelt constable.
Seagoon: Oh! What's happened to this dear old silver bearded lady?
Henry Crun: She was struck down from behind.
Seagoon: And not a moment too soon. Congratulations, sir.
Henry Crun: I didn't do it.
Seagoon: Coward, hand back your OBE. Now tell me who did this felonous deed. What's happened to her?
Henry Crun: It's much too dark to see, strike a light.
Seagoon: Not allowed in blackout.
Minnie Bannister: Strike a dark light.
Seagoon: No madam. Madam we daren't. Why, only twenty eight miles across the Channel the Germans are watching this coast.
Henry Crun: Don't you be a silly pilly policeman.
Minnie Bannister: Bravo Henry.
Henry Crun: Pittle Poo.
Minnie Bannister: Pittle Poo. They can't see a match being struck.
Seagoon: Oh, all right.
Fx: Striking Match... Bomb Whistle... Explosion!
Seagoon: Any questions?
Henry Crun: Yes, where are my legs?
Minnie Bannister:Where are my legs?
Seagoon: Now are you aware of the danger of German long range guns?
Henry Crun: Mnk ahh I have it! I've got it, I've got the answer. Just by chance I happen to have on me a box of German matches.
Seagoon: Wonderful, strike one. Ha, they won't fire at their own matches.
Henry Crun: Of course not. Now...
Fx: Match striking... Descending whistle of a bomb... Shell explodes
Henry Crun:... Curse... the British, the British!!!
Seagoon: We tried using a candle, but it wasn't very bright and we daren't light it, so we waited for dawn, and there, in the light of the morning sun, we saw what had struck Miss Bannister. It was... A batter pudding!