American humour

[Bill Murray]

I heard this on the radio today on the way home from my store.

Traffic Report at 1700 hours.

Traffic on Georgia 400 is locked up tighter than a 14 year old daughter at an Alabama family reunion.

I can translate if necessary.



Bill

[Bill Murray]

Well, I could always try a Newfy joke.
Bill

[Geoff Winnington-Ball (RIP)]

No sweat, Bill... I know a good ol' fashioned Adirondack hillbilly who is absolutely BRIMMING with his father's truisms... a constant source of entertainment... Dwight, you there?

[Bill Murray]

Thanks for chiming in Geoff:
I posted it on one of my favorite good old boy Ford truck forums and got a lot of replies. They eat this stuff up.

By the way, all of my mother's family are from Arkansas, so I am used to this sort of stuff.
Bill

[Keith Webb]

Originally posted by Bill Murray
Thanks for chiming in Geoff:
I posted it on one of my favorite good old boy Ford truck forums and got a lot of replies. They eat this stuff up.

By the way, all of my mother's family are from Arkansas, so I am used to this sort of stuff.
Bill

Hi Bill

Do you want to share some of the better replies to inspire us?

I enjoy this sort of thing!

Hmmm ..... yikes.

My youngests daughters half-sister Almitra lives in Atlanta. My daughter visited there as a teenager. When the Olympics were on. Almitra's hubby Essex, was working where that bombing happened, WHEN it happened, which was when my daughter was visiting. Essex also escorted my young daughter to watch some of the games from the VIP seats ... how lucky can yah get hey? He was very protective and vigilant with my precious daughter. I'm extra glad to know this after this thread

[Jon Skagfeld]

Originally posted by Bill Murray
I heard this on the radio today on the way home from my store.

Traffic Report at 1700 hours.

Traffic on Georgia 400 is locked up tighter than a 14 year old daughter at an Alabama family reunion.

I can translate if necessary.



Bill

As per Jeff Foxworthy...you know you're a redneck when...

Originally posted by Vets Dottir
Hmmm ..... yikes.

My youngests daughters half-sister Almitra lives in Atlanta. My daughter visited there as a teenager. When the Olympics were on. Almitra's hubby Essex, was working where that bombing happened, WHEN it happened, which was when my daughter was visiting. Essex also escorted my young daughter to watch some of the games from the VIP seats ... how lucky can yah get hey? He was very protective and vigilant with my precious daughter. I'm extra glad to know this after this thread

I thought you'd said ATLANTA, not Alabama.

I'll butt out of further commenting this "guy" thread now ... sorry folks.

[Dwight Pruitt]

Originally posted by Bill Murray

Traffic on Georgia 400 is locked up tighter than a 14 year old daughter at an Alabama family reunion.

Bill, here's one of my favs. "We're busier than a set of jumper cables at a Kentuckian Family Reunion."

[Dwight Pruitt]

Originally posted by Geoff Winnington-Ball
No sweat, Bill... I know a good ol' fashioned Adirondack hillbilly who is absolutely BRIMMING with his father's truisms... a constant source of entertainment... Dwight, you there?

Sure am! Except for one thing....Dad was from Appalachia- Cumberland County, Kentucky and Clay County Tenn. Seems like he had a saying for everything...

"Son, never tell lawyer jokes. Lawyers hate 'em and regular folk don't think they're jokes."

"Son, just because someone calls you a dog doesn't mean you have to go p?ss on a tree."

and so on and son......

[Geoff Winnington-Ball (RIP)]

40 Things Never Said By Southerners

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

[Bob Potter]

In the state of Alabama, if a husband and wife are divorced, are they still brother and sister?

Bob