Some Funnies

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

A paraprosdokian sentence consists of two parts where the first is a
figure of speech and the second an intriguing variation of the first.

They're used typically for humorous or dramatic effect.

- Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

- If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

- We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

- Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the edge of a pool and throw fish.

- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

- Women will never be equal to men till they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they're sexy.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- You don't need a parachute to skydive, but you do need one to skydive again.

- The voices in my head may be fake, but they have good ideas!

- Hospitality is making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.


- I scream the same way whether I'm about to be eaten by a shark or seaweed touches my foot.

- Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.

- There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

- You're never too old to learn something stupid.


- Sometimes my mind wanders and other times it goes away completely.

- Never complain about growing old, far too many people have been denied that privilege.