Some Funnies

[Darrell Zinck]

A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.

"I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was a Wild Weasel driver in Nam , but when they retired the Thud, all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well. His voice trailed off as he mentioned something about going after those damned Chinese Commies across the border. But I learned to play the piano at Officer's Club happy hours, so here I am."

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. And, after all he was wearing a threadbare olive green jacket with lots of zippers and a patch that said “The first one to light up, gets smoked”. So, why not give him a try?

The seedy old pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.

What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender handed the old fighter pilot a neat scotch whiskey and asked him the name of the song he had just played.

It's called "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You" the old pilot said.


After a long pull from the glass, leaving it empty, he said "I wrote it myself."


The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping.

After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered whiskey and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light."

He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", excused himself and headed for the john.


When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey fly boy, the job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?"


"Know it?" the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!".