Some Funnies

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

Just posted on the News net..
She was probably on the donut run ...

OPP officer charged

ORILLIA, ON, Feb. 10 /CNW/ - The Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) has
charged a member of the OPP for driving a police vehicle while on duty in
excess of the posted speed limit.
On January 31, 2009 Brant County OPP stopped the unmarked OPP vehicle on
Highway 403 for driving 165 km/hour in a posted 100 km/hour zone. The
subsequent investigation found that the officer was not within the lawful
execution of her duties at the time.
Detective Constable Heidi Fischer was charged with Driving 50 km/hour or
more over the posted speed limit, contrary to Section 172 of the Highway
Traffic Act.
The officer's driver's licence was suspended for the required 7 days and
the OPP unmarked vehicle was impounded for 7 days.
Detective Constable Fischer is a 4 year member of the OPP posted to
Provincial Operations Intelligence Bureau at General Headquarters in Orillia
and will appear in Provincial Offences Court in Brantford on March 24, 2009.




For further information: Inspector Dave Ross, Deputy Director, Corporate
Communications Bureau, Phone: (705) 329-6874

[gjamo]

AUSTRALIAN ETIQUETTE

IN GENERAL
1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3. It's tacky to take an Esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

DATING
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook – especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff about you on the dunny door two years ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 11:00 PM , others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATRE/CINEMA ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummer-bund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for the occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight
2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

[Keith Webb]

Obama beat box.

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/ju...bama_Beat_Box/

Before watching make sure you don't have a mouthful of coffee near your computer.

[Col Tigwell]

Took her little tacker to the beach.

There is all dressed up in his new sailor suit, paddling around at the edge of the water.

Suddenly a big wave comes in and sweeps him out to sea.

Mother jumps to her feet, looks up to the sky and says "please lord help me".

Another big wave comes in, a deposits a very crumbled boy at her feet.

Mother looks up to the sky again and says "he had a hat on when he left".

Regards

Col