Some Funnies

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

I couldn't think of anywhere else to post this...
Ghosts and goblins from the CIA...

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/...rticle1386516/

Jeez..those y'all can't have much to do....
Happy New Year/...
:reme mber

[RHClarke]

Most of you probably have this virus. Even the most advanced anti virus programs cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1970. Check you computer for the following symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit “SEND” before you’ve finished.
7. Causes you to hit “DELETE” instead of “SEND.”
8. Causes you to hit “SEND” when you should “DELETE.”

It is called the “C-NILE” Virus. Beware!

[Geoff Winnington-Ball (RIP)]

Originally Posted by RHClarke

Most of you probably have this virus. Even the most advanced anti virus programs cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1970. Check you computer for the following symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit “SEND” before you’ve finished.
7. Causes you to hit “DELETE” instead of “SEND.”
8. Causes you to hit “SEND” when you should “DELETE.”

It is called the “C-NILE” Virus. Beware!

I like the strain of the virus which causes the recipient to hit REPLY to a system message which specifically states DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE at the top....

[RHClarke]

Originally Posted by Geoff Winnington-Ball

I like the strain of the virus which causes the recipient to hit REPLY to a system message which specifically states DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE at the top....

I resemble that remark!

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

MURDER AT WALMART
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...





'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!'

[lynx42]

A young gentleman from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn’t been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. He consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note … not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and the young man unknowingly got the knickers. He duly sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter:

“Dear Maggie, I chose these because I’ve noticed that you were not wearing any when we went out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the sales lady showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks or stains. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn’t needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date”.

All my love.

P.S. my mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing

[lynx42]

Who is the worst air travel passenger youv'e had to sit next to???
Fortunately not on my flights. The constant chatterbox was enough.