Some Funnies

[Hanno Spoelstra]

Leather Dresses (And Why Guys Like Them)
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Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?
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Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think totally irrationally.
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Ever stop to wonder why?
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Well
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It's because she smells like a new car!!!
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[Hanno Spoelstra]

Cheeky WW2 cartoon.

So what do you guys like best? A leather dress or body paint?!?!?

[hrpearce]

one vote for body paint

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.

She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says, 'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'

[Keith Webb]

It seemed when I was in Canada I was the only one who could correctly pronounce Geoff's name but somehow they misheard me and thought I was calling him "Jif".

Maybe this is why.



Source

[aj.lec]

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation were sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

' Nope,' said the old man

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied,

'Been married to your sister for 48 years.

[aj.lec]

On their way to get married, a young Catholic
couple were involved in a fatal car accident. They found themselves
sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St Peter to process them.

They began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When
St Peter showed up, they asked him
St Peter replied, "I don't know.This is the first time anyone has asked.
Let me find out," and he disappeared.

Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. As
they waited, they had time to discuss the remifications of being
allowed to marry in Heaven, along with the eternal aspects of it all.
"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered. "Are we stuck together
FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St Peter finally returned, looking
a bit bedraggled. "Yes," he informed them, "you CAN get married in
Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what
if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St Peter, red-faced with frustration and maybe a tinge of un-angelic anger,
slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?"asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a
priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a
lawyer?"