Some Funnies

[aj.lec]

HOLY SOAP!
>
> Two priests are off to the showers late one night.
>
> They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no
> soap.
>
> Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering
> to dress.
>
> He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the
> hall when
> he sees three nuns heading his way..
>
> Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's
> a
> statue.
>
> The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
> The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
> Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
>
> "Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
>
> To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
> Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
>
> Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and
> three times but nothing happens.
>
> So she gives several more tugs, then yells...
>
> "Holy Mary, Mother of God,
> HAND LOTION TOO!
>

[Howard]

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!”
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."