Tony Baker's brother

[aj.lec]

Deepest condolences to Tony and his family
Andrew

[Mrs Vampire]

My condolences .

[Ian Fawbert]

Our best wishes from my family to ours.

We all look forward to seeing you back here soon/when our ready.

Cheers,
Ian.

[Barry Churcher]

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Barry and Janet

[Lionelgee]

Hello All MLU members

Thank you for all of you who have passed on their thoughts and condolences to Tony and his family. I have let Tony know of your kindness and regards. Thank you.

Kind Regards
Lionel
on behalf of Tony

[Private_collector]

Dear Folks of Maple Leaf Up,

My sincerest thanks to you all, for the Wondeful words of support and condolences you have sent me over the past few weeks. I have not had the ability to see these messages for myself until last night.

This morning, my brother Darryl was laid to rest. He passed away in the small hours of Wednesday 21st August, 2013. We received the call from Mother at 0140hrs, to say that he had died at home. It was his wish to remain at home as long as he could, and with Mothers round the clock assistance, this was able to be achieved. I had hoped it would be a peaceful & dignified death. It was not. I had also expected that knowing Darryl had a terminal illness, this would help prepare us for his ultimate demise. It did not. I will never forget receiving Mums phone call that early morning. The anguish and grief in her voice will haunt me forever. Naturally, once the call came, my wife and I immediately got dressed and drove the two hours to be with Mum. I have no recollection of the drive itself, suffice to say it was a blur. When we arrived at Mums home, the two gentlemen from the funeral home had already arrived, and were in the process of preparing to take my brother away. I was permitted to interrupt their work for several minutes while I said my goodbye to my poor dear brother. It's a sureal experience to sit with the lifeless body of someone who has always been a part of your life.

From what I have been able to piece together, it looks as if Darryl arose from bed and went to the toilet around 0100hrs. It appears he fell badly on his way back to bed and was not able to get up. He had lost his strength and co-ordination, as well as his power of speech. He managed to atract Mothers attention by tapping on the wall ajoining their bedrooms. Mother rushed into Darryls room, and was met with the sight of her son on the floor, and his life ebbing away. Mum has told me that Darryl tried to reach out to her, but could not raise his arms sufficiently to achieve this. She held Darryl as he lay dying, but had to leave him to summon the paramedics. When she returned, he had passed away. Paramedics arrived within minutes, but it was too late for any attempt to revive. It would have been pointless, and greatly traumatic to watch too. There is one piece of information that I had not yet provided here. Darryl had bled badly from the mouth, and he was laying in a puddle of his own blood. For this reason the paramedics were required by law to report the death to the Police, who attended breifly and took a statement from Mother. Once they were able to see documents indicating Darryl was in end stage of a terminal illness, they provided comfort to Mother, before taking their leave. They had left before I arrived. I firmly believe Darryl had a haemorhagic CVA, or put simply, a stroke. This is most likely what ended his life so suddenly. My mind wonders what other senses he could have lost in addition to his speech. What kind of terror did he endure as he lay dying? Was he aware, or had he faded to the extent that he was oblivious to his surrounds? I will never know.

My dear brother was put to rest at 1100hrs today. It was less than one month since he went home from hospital. Prior to hospital discharge, we all spoke with the palliative care doctor, and he laid all the cards on the table, so to speak. He indicated that he considered Darryl may have 2-3 months of life left. I recall thinking to myself that he may have been overly optomistic with this prognosis. In my mind, I had figured closer to 4-6 weeks. As it turns out, I was also overly generous with that calculation.

On Saturday I made the trip down to Mothers house again, and this time we brought her back to our place until this morning. I did not want her to be alone in the empty house where her adored son passed away, as time counted down to the day of the funeral. I am proud to report that last night Mother and I sat down with my tablet computer, to read your messages of support. When I loaded MLU, I was greatly humbled and moved to see all the well wishes and expressions of sympathy. I have no problem with saying now that we both had tears in our eyes as we read each and every message you had posted. I was overwhelmed then, and remain so. Your support and comfort has given us additional strength we didn't know we had, until then.

The photos below, were taken just 11 days prior to my brothers death.
100820131.jpg 100820133.jpg
Neither Darryl or Mother had visited our home before that day. We had several attempts to arrange for them to visit, but something always intervened to cancel the plans. Following Darryls poor prognosis, and with his health continually in decline, we knew we would have to act NOW as the window of opportunity was quickly closing. If we had waited one more week, Darryl would not have been well enough to make the trip. The photos shown here, will always be treasured, and are a reminder that my brother DID get to see our home, and also see for himself the truck i'm sure he was tired of hearing about. Unfortunately he was not fully able to take in all that he was seeing, but he did regardless enjoy the visit.

I will forever be in your debt, for the compassion and sympathies you have show to my family and I. I also wish to thank Lionel, for conveying the news of my brothers death, and for relaying my thanks to you all. At that time I was not able to convey these things for myself. Lionel, you have my humble gratitude and admiration for this.

It will be some time still, before I feel the desire to continue the restoration, but I have been pottering away with some small tasks. While these little jobs are quite insignificant, they have been a therapy none the less. I will write more about what I have been doing in coming days, back in the restoration thread. For now, PLEASE ACCEPT MY SINCERE THANKS TO YOU ALL.


RIP 27-08-2013 1.jpg
R.I.P, Darryl James Baker
4th December 1953 - 21st August 2013.

You won't be forgotten, mate!

[Keith Webb]

Tony, thanks so much for sharing this so candidly with us. It does a lot to make us all feel a closer part of this amazing community.

Although the grieving process is difficult and sometimes unpredictable may you and your family move through this time and be somehow stronger for it.

I respect the way you have honoured your brother through the real portrayal of his last hours. It must have been a horrific time for you.

[hrpearce]

Thank you for filling in the gaps Tony. I know nothing I can say will help much as it takes time. I do understand you not remembering much about driving to your Mothers. When the police came to my work to tell me my brother in law was killed in a truck accident I remember jumping on my motor bike, crossing the rail line then I was in my Sisters house. I'm glad your Brother got to see your blitz as I was glad I drove my blitz over to my Fathers and he saw it a week before he passed on.