Some Funnies

[Tony Smith]

The Pope came to Australia for World Youth Day.

After visiting the small town of Dubbo for a large outdoor Mass, he was in high spirits. He said to his personal driver: "What a marvellous day this has been. The Mass was well attended, my sermon went down very well and it's such a lovely day for a Sunday Drive. Give me the keys and let ME drive for a change."
"But your Holiness, I can't do that! I'd lose my job and couldn't bear the guilt if anything went wrong!"
"Nonsense, what could go wrong out here? There's no-one around for miles, and I really feel like a drive. It's been years since I had the pleasure of a drive in the country."
"But your Holiness", said the Driver "If you haven't driven for years, do you still have a licence?"
"Look, I haven't forgotton how to drive, and these big wide, straight country roads wouldn't present a problem even for Me! For Heaven's sake, give me the keys!"
The Driver looked up the road, then looked down the road. There didn't seem to be any traffic about, and the roads were wide and flat. What could go wrong? And besides could he really deny the Holy Father?
"OK Father, but please promise me you'll be careful."

The Pope grabbed the keys with glee and leapt in the front, while the Driver reluctantly got in the back. The Pope gently pulled away, fussing about with the mirrors and controls. "Yes, yes, it's all coming back to me now! What fun! As his confidence grew, his speed slowly crept up and up, until the Driver cried in alarm from the back seat "Holy Father! Have mercy! Please slow down, your doing over 140!" The Pope just grinned and said: "Yes, isn't she a beauty, my son? Whoo-hoo!"

At that point, the Pope noticed a Police Patrol car pull out from behind a billboard with it's lights flashing. The Driver wailed "That's it! I knew this would happen. You aren't even licensed, and now you'll get done for speeding! Oh, Mea Culpa, what will happen to me?" The Pope said "Just quit your whinging. Raise the privacy screen and don't say a word. I'll be able to talk the Officer out of giving me a ticket."

After the Pope pulled over, the Policeman sauntered up to the window of the Limo and said " Driver, you were recorded travelling at a speed in excess of ..... OH MY GOD! IT"S YOU!!" In the back, he could see a shadowy figure clutching some Rosary Beads and genuflecting like crazy, while rapidly muttering a prayer. He hurried back to his patrol car and got on the radio. "Hey Sarge, it's Wilson. I've got a situation here and don't know what to do. I've pulled over a driver for speeding, but I can't give him a ticket."
"Why not, Wilson? Just issue the fine."
"But Sarge, it's someone really important!"
"Who, the Mayor?"
"Nope, bigger!
"Who, the Police Commisioner?"
"Nope, bigger."
"The Prime Minister?"
"No, the Big One. I think I've pulled over God, because He's got the bloody Pope as his chauffeur!