Ugly cars

[Keith Webb]

I almost lost my lunch yesterday driving behind a Ssanyong Stavic, a staggeringly hideous arrangement of cheap steel, plastic rubber and glass from Korea.

So, wondering whether it was just me I googled the name and came up with someone who feels the same:

The ugliest car in Australia

With the launch of the new (if you can call a 5 year old Daewoo new) Holden Viva, many are asking “is this the ugliest car launched by a mainstream manufacturer in Australia in living memory?” — to which the answer is a resounding Yes. Walking around the Motorshow last weekend it was great to be able to look at some of the monstrosities on display and say “yes it’s ugly, but at least it’s not Viva ugly”. But is it the ugliest car on the market at the moment? Not on your nelly.

There are some homely cars about at the moment. The BMW 7 series looks like someone crashed a hatchback into the back of the prototype and rather than remove it, BMW just decided to weld it into place. Or the 6 series, wich looks like an AU Falcon taxi from behind. The Peugeot 307’s nose might be a wonder of pedestrian care and crash-worthiness, but you wouldn’t pick one up if you saw it in a bar. The new Hilux’s slab sides make it seem to be confused as to whether it is a ute or a moving billboard. Mind you, were you to design a car with all of the worst features of all of the cars on the market, it would still be one of the best looking cars in the Ssangyong line-up.

The ugliest car in Australia is indeed a Ssangyong, but it’s not immediately obvious which one. In isolation any of the models in the Ssangyong range would make a fair claim to be the ugliest car ever. Like the Rexton, a 4WD that looks OK from about a kilometre away in the rear vision mirror, but any closer and it makes you want to gouge your eyes out. Or the Korando, which looks like a dog that has had it’s ears pulled back until it’s skin is stretched tight across it’s face. Never trust a car with close-set eyes. And finally, lets not forget the wonderfully named Chairman which looks remarkably like a mid-90’s Mercedes S-class, but one that’s had a nasty fright (like seeing a Holden Viva with lunch still unsettled). Or perhaps the Chairman is undergoing a prostate exam.

But they all pale into relative attractiveness beside the staggeringly ugly Stavic. Words fail me as I attempt to catalogue the crimes against design that are perpetrated in it’s sheet metal. There’s the open-mouthed drooling grill opening that makes it look like it’s missing a chromosome or two. The headlights are too big, the bonnet too upright and the windscreen to raked-back. They’ve slapped some black plastic cladding on the sides like it’s a soft-roader, but it just looks cheap. The wheels look like they’ve come off a mid-70’s Bluebird. The roof-rack rails continuing the line from the highest point of the roof emphasise it’s excessive height and the sharp crease line that runs along the flanks drops at the tail to give the rather unfortunate impression that it’s cacked it’s daks.

While we’re on the tail, what were they thinking? Think you’d like to see out the back of one of these puppies? Think again buddie. The rear window is 6 feet off the ground and attached to a structure that looks like they couldn’t decide if it should be a coupe or a wagon, and decided to have a bet each way. It is profoundly unattractive from every angle, and here’s the best bit: if you are unfortunate enough to actually see one of these buggers on the road, you’ll find to your delight and horror they are even uglier in the flesh than they are in the photos.

Although I think the rear spoiler perched atop the rear window is quite natty.

Holden, if you thought tarting up a 5 year old Daewoo would get you into the ranks of the ugliest cars in Australia, think again. Sure the new Barina looks like it was burped up after a particularly long lunch (and for bonus points, look for the Daewoo branded jack near the spare wheel), but for a sheer stomach churning, milk curdling, small children frightening one finger salute to aesthetics, you are mere amateurs.

Viva la Stavic, the ugliest car in Australia.

It gets my vote for the most distasteful eyesore on the roads... does anyone else here feel the same?


Source

[cliff]

Originally posted by Keith Webb



It gets my vote for the most distasteful eyesore on the roads... does anyone else here feel the same?

I think you have been looking at too many beautiful CMP's Keith or are old fashion enough to think..."YUCK"...at (so called) modern styling.

While it takes a little to get used to it grows on you just like..."um...hmmm" a certain Canadian made military truck from WW2

[Ryan]

That's nothing Keith, have you seen their "Actyon" dual cab ute yet? Should have been banned from the country. Oh, sends a shiver down the spine.

[Ryan]

If only Ford wasn't run by accountants! I would have liked to have seen a dual cab 4WD version of the Territory SUV. It's already AWD, just wack a low range in it, rip out that rear 'control blade IRS' and put in the lockable live rear from the Falcon RTV ute. A couple more inches of lift....and....if they had of given the go ahead to it and spent the money, a diesel or turbo diesel version of Geelong's straight six engine.

Ah, it good to dream isn't it.

[Stuart Kirkham]

You thought the Koreans were bad at car design..look what the yanks are dishing up. Yucko!

Pontiac Aztec. (Note the Ssangyong inspired chin intake)



Jeep Commander



Jeep Patriot

[Keith Webb]

I think I'd have to agree with you there... we get some Jeep models but not the Pontiac. What were they thinking?

Originally posted by Tommy K
You thought the Koreans were bad at car design..look what the yanks are dishing up. Yucko!

[Barry Churcher]

In Canada we call the Pontiac Aztecs and Buick Rendezvous "Contest Cars". Anyone who drives one must have won it in a contest.
Barry

[Keith Webb]

Originally posted by Barry Churcher
In Canada we call the Pontiac Aztecs and Buick Rendezvous "Contest Cars". Anyone who drives one must have won it in a contest.
Barry

It's a bit like the cars the top Mary Kay ladies used to drive - they were Ford Lasers and Fairlanes (depending on your sales status) and painted bright pink and even though they must have been an embarrassment to their drivers they never seemed to show it.

[Stuart Kirkham]

Originally posted by Barry Churcher
In Canada we call the Pontiac Aztecs and Buick Rendezvous "Contest Cars". Anyone who drives one must have won it in a contest.
Barry

[Kuno]

"Never trust a car with close-set eyes."

This statement was recognized that time by LAND ROVER and therefore they have just shifted the "eyes" to another place (the rest remained the same) :witch

---

What happened with JEEP? Correct me, if I am wrong - but I got the impression, that the only thing left over is the view of the front. The rest is just a normal Chrysler-chassis which has a more or less fancy "house" above. But a JEEP?

[Stuart Kirkham]

Originally posted by Kuno
[B

What happened with JEEP? Correct me, if I am wrong - but I got the impression, that the only thing left over is the view of the front. The rest is just a normal Chrysler-chassis which has a more or less fancy "house" above. But a JEEP? [/B]

Fear not Kuno, look what Jeep have plucked outa the cupboard of 'cool designs'.
This is the jeep J8 concept ute and let me just say..'Wow, I want one of these babys'.

[Kuno]

Ok; Thommy, you give me hope

Their problem might be that only with such cars they would not make enough money to keep the "brand" alive... or that they just want to sell the image Jeep. But the latter one will destory the name

[Stuart Kirkham]

Originally posted by Keith Webb
I almost lost my lunch yesterday driving behind a Ssanyong Stavic, a staggeringly hideous arrangement of cheap steel, plastic rubber and glass from Korea.

It gets my vote for the most distasteful eyesore on the roads... does anyone else here feel the same?


Source

From the looks of these people driving in a Stavic (photo from a promotional brochure), I would say you are not alone Keith.
I don't think I have ever seen a promo shot showing people sporting such unconvincing smiles as these seven. They all look as bored as #%@#

[Keith Webb]

Originally posted by Tommy K
From the looks of these people driving in a Stavic (photo from a promotional brochure), I would say you are not alone Keith.
I don't think I have ever seen a promo shot showing people sporting such unconvincing smiles as these seven. They all look as bored as #%@#

LMAO! They look like they're only just holding the bile back.

[Kuno]

...would rather say that they all have been set under some kind of drugs

[Kuno]

Forget about the Korean Design; what is you opinion about this truck:

[Keith Webb]

Originally posted by Kuno
Forget about the Korean Design; what is you opinion about this truck:

Looks like a potentially OK design which had been pushed and pulled in the wrong direction until it was proportionally ugly.

On the 'hidosity'* scale where the Stavic scores a 10 it would be about a 6.


*Hidosity was one of several words my grandmother invented in her senility and I've always liked it. It would appear to be a compound of hideous and monstrosity Another was 'Carpengle' which was more obscure but used to describe the weather on a grey rainy day.

or do other people find the Bugatti Veyron stunningly ugly.

Even the over 250mph top speed (after inserting special key), 2.5 secs to 62mph and 839,285GBP price tag doesn't make up for it.

The tyres are only rated for 15 mins at this velocity but it empties a full fuel tank in 12 mins so that's alright isn't it.

Oh! Incidentally that's $1,721,343.47 for the Canadians; €1,164,861.27 for the continental Europeans and $1,952,795.32 for the Aussies.

R.