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#1
15-11-13, 01:05
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Putting things in perspective
Over heard at a bar one night.
Two of Canada's finest airborne soldiers where arguing over who had the most completed jumps. The first of canada's finest boasted that he had 178 completed jumps without an injury. The second of Canada's finest boasted that's nothing I've got 286 completed jumps. An old man sitting in the corner nursing a beer piped up and said I've jumped out of a plane. One of the airborne soldiers said when did you jump out of a plane grandpa. The old man slowly got up and made his way over to the bar. He pulled a battered piece of cloth from a pocket and threw a well worn Pegasus shoulder patch on the bar between the two solders. He said 4 jumps, two practice, D Day, and Arnhem. Honor those who have gone before!
__________________
Roberta Jayne Melville CD II QJ MK I * universal carrier 1942 WLC Harley under restoration 1957 M38A1 jeep R.E.L. optical equipment Military manuals Field phones MK II 19 set (needs work) 4 MK III W-19 sets AN/PRC-9 CPRC-26 WS-29 componets WS-38 AFV WS-38 MK III WS-48 with generator WS-58 MK I MK V heliograph 
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#2
16-11-13, 21:32
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Great video of the Dutch Army bicycle band. Sure to bring a smile to your face. Enjoy!
Rob http://www.flixxy.com/the-dutch-army-bicycle-band.htm
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#3
16-11-13, 22:58
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Quote:
__________________
Robert Pearce.
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#4
07-12-13, 21:32
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A Retiree's last trip to Costco
Yesterday I was at my local Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What? Did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 lbs before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
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#5
08-12-13, 04:56
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Super hero
Superman had an appointment with the Police Chief in the Metropolis and was a bit late. The Chief commented on it saying that Superman was usually dead on time and that it must have been something important that delayed him.
Superman went on to explain that he had been flying across country when he saw Wonder Woman lying on a river bank flat on her back, stark naked and looking like she was ready for anything so he dropped down and jumped on for a little 'afternoon delight'. The Chief said,"I bet that gave her a surprise', to which Superman replied, 'Not as much as the surprise I gave the Invisible Man!' Apologies if this has appeared here previously, I can't remember where I got it from but recently told it to a couple of middle aged female friends discussing Marvel super heroes and they thought it was absolutely hilarious. David
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Hell no! I'm not that old! Last edited by motto (RIP); 08-12-13 at 05:05.
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#6
16-12-13, 09:55
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Retirement
Retirement
Someone asked me, "and now that you are retired, do you still have a job?" I replied, "Yes I am my wife's "sexual advisor." "Somewhat shocked, they said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?" "Very simple. My wife has told me that when she wants my fu%#ing advice, she'll ask me for it."
__________________
Have a good one  Andrew Custodian of the "Rare and Rusty" 
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#7
20-01-14, 06:55
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Joe Smith is on his deathbed, knows the end is near
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. So, he says to them: "Bernie, I want you to take the Avenue Road houses." "Sybil, take the apartments over in Rosedale ." "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center Mall." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the Don Valley Ravine. The nurse is just blown away by all this , and as Doug slips away, she says , "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property". Sarah replies, "Property? ... the asshole had a paper route!"
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