Some Funnies

[aj.lec]

A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.. So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out "one letter" in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email....obviously to the wrong address.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who died following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 4th November, 2009

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. it's F***ing hot down here!

[lynx42]

This test will only take one minute and only has one question, but it's a very
important one.

By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you
will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.



THE SITUATION:

You are in Queensland , Brisbane to be specific.

There is chaos all around you caused by a cyclone, with severe flooding.

This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in
the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the
water.

Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.



THE TEST:

Suddenly, you see a man in the water.

He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You
move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar...

You suddenly realize who it is..

It's Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd!

You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.






You have two options:

1. You can save his life; or



2. You can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the
death of one of the country's most powerful men!









THE QUESTION:


Here's the question, and please give an honest answer...



Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic
simplicity of black and white?

[cliff]

Originally Posted by lynx42

Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic
simplicity of black and white?

I'd go for colour as I could always photoshop the images for black and white copies...That is after I had sobered up from the celebration party.

[aj.lec]

A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole,

All live together in a little mole hole.



One day, papa mole sticks his head

Out of the hole, sniffs the air and said,

' Yum! I smell maple syrup!'



The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole,

Sniffs the air and said, 'Oh, Yum! I smell honey!'


Now baby mole is trying to stick his head

Out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't

Because the bigger moles are in the way.

This makes him whine, 'Geez, all I can smell is.....



MOLASSES !

[aj.lec]

A very tired nurse walks into a bank,

Totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.

Preparing to write a cheque,

She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse

And tries to write with it..

When she realizes her mistake,

She looks at the flabbergasted teller

And without missing a beat, she says:

'Well, that's great....that's just great...




Some asshole's got my pen!'

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

I've often been asked,

'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?

Well..I'm working on a chemical engineering

degree, and one of the things I enjoy most is

turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas

into urine.

[Keith Webb]

Tea for two?



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