Some Funnies

[aj.lec]

This would be funny if there wasnt a hint of truth in it

Lay Off Letter


Little wonder why this guy is boss. He is sharp! You can't be any fairer than this...


Dear Employees:

As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Julia Gillard is our Prime Minister and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way because of their spending spree and proposed Carbon Dioxide tax.
To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty Rudd and Gillard bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change.....I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.

[lynx42]

AJ,
A great way to deal with such a problem.
Don''t know how that works though, as during the last 12 months, I haven't met 60 people who will admit to voting them in.
Rick

[aj.lec]

Originally Posted by lynx42

AJ,
A great way to deal with such a problem.
Don''t know how that works though, as during the last 12 months, I haven't met 60 people who will admit to voting them in.
Rick

True
It is after all a minority government only supported by an even more inept and highly scary party the greens holding balance in the senate
Even scarier still 38% of people think they are doing a good job............ A lot of people must have failed economics at school

[Alex Blair (RIP)]

THE HYPNOTIST

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.

Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize
each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch.
It's a very special watch.
It's been in my family for six generations"

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. .. ." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, the the chain broke, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SHIT!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Center.
Claude was never invited back to entertain.

[aj.lec]

Prince Charles decided to take up walking every day. At the same street corner he passed a hooker standing there every day.

He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout.

"No! Five pounds!" He said from the side of His mouth, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.

She'd yell, "One hundred and Fifty pounds!"

He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

One day, Camilla decided to accompany her 'husband'.

As the couple neared the hooker's corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.

He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his Wife.

As they neared the hooker’s corner he became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass.


Then, the hooker yelled:

"See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard!"