Some Funnies

sapper740 · #1 01-02-12, 23:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex Blair

A Texan farmer went on vacation to Australia. He toured an Australian farmer’s field, which the Australian proudly showed off.

“That’s nothing,” said the Texan. “We have fields twice as large as this back home.”

Next the Australian showed off his cattle, but the Texan was still unimpressed and said, “We have longhorns twice as big back home.”

Just then, several kangaroos bounded across the road. “What are those?” asked the Texan.

The Australian replied, “Don’t you have grasshoppers in Texas?”

It's not just the horns that are...errr...long! or should I say LOW! ;>)

Darrell Zinck · #2 02-02-12, 14:35

Sigh!!!!!!!!!

Euan McDonald · #3 03-02-12, 01:48

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, England !" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the
beer, the culture..."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to England ?" asks the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive

Alex Blair (RIP) · #4 03-02-12, 20:30

We could all use these..

http://www.youtube.com/v/Qrpq5A-KAoA

motto · #5 08-02-12, 00:44

All those variations and no CMP, 42 Jeep or Weapons Carrier look alike.

Got to be an opening there for somebody?

David

Phil Waterman · #6 08-02-12, 17:08

How about mounting one of those inflatable Sherman decoys they made, on a cart? Inflate it part with helium and you could have a "0" added weight.

Cheers Phil

Darrell Zinck · #7 13-02-12, 13:05

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything

regards
Darrell