Some Funnies

[Tony Wheeler]

President Calvin Coolidge

The 30th President of the United States, Calvin Coolidge, was not nicknamed 'Silent Cal' for nothing. He was well known for being a man of few words. Whilst seated at a dinner party next to poet and satirist Dorothy Parker, Parker said to him,

"Mr. Coolidge, I've made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you."

Coolidge replied, "You lose".

When Coolidge died in 1933, Dorothy Parker remarked, "How can they tell?"



Winston Churchill

Lady Nancy Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."

Winston Churchill: "Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."



Pope John XXIII

Wit and a sense of humour are not normally used to describe pontiffs. However, Pope John XXIII had a rich sense of humour and when a journalist asked,

"How many people work at the Vatican?"

The Pope replied, "About half".



Mahatma Gandhi

The leader of the Indian independence movement paid a visit to England in 1931. Whilst there, a reporter shouted out,

"What do you think of Western civilization?"

Gandhi instantly replied, "I think it would be a good idea".



Edna Ferber V Noel Coward

Playwright Noel Coward bumped in to his old friend novelist Edna Ferber who was wearing one of her tailored suits. Coward looked her over and said,

"Edna, you almost look like a man."

Ferber looked Coward over and said, "So do you"



Alfred Hitchcock

During the beginning of filming Alfred Hitchcock's drama film 'Lifeboat', actress Mary Anderson asked Hitchcock,

"What is my best side Mr Hitchcock?"

Hitchcock dryly responded, "You're sitting on it, my dear."